Agony Aunts
by Lil Miss Giggles
Summary: My first bash at a Buffy/Spike shipper. Both discover each others secrets. Oh just read it!
1. Default Chapter

  
Agony Aunts.  
  
Read & review. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Oh come on, Slayer! Please?!"  
"Spike, I'm * not * staking you!!"  
The desperate vampire fell on his knees at her feet, hands clasped as if in prayer,  
"Look, I'm on my knees, kill me!!"  
"No!"  
Spike stood,   
"Fine I'll do it myself!"  
He snatched the stake from Buffy's belt, and tried to dust himself. The Slayer pounced on him, knocking him to the floor, and retrieving Mr. Pointy with ease.  
"I said * no * Spike."  
Spike sat on the floor, a very defeated look on his face, that and the mass of temporary scars and bruises. He looked up at her,   
"You have no idea."  
Buffy was slightly concerned, the rebellious vampire had lost that playful glint in his eyes and the mischievous air he always carried with him. She said nothing, so he continued,  
"Do have any idea how it feels to have the crap kicked out of you by people you used to call friends?"  
He stood up, and sat on his tomb,  
"I'll never fit in. Not anymore. I'm not like you, and I'm not like the rest of the demonic population. I'm alone. Completely."  
Buffy sat beside the vampire. This was a side of him she'd never seen. She put a reassuring hand on his shoulder as he released his pent up thoughts.  
Her concern grew, as silent tears drew lines across his pale cheeks although the vampire was showing very little emotion. She didn't really know what to do, Willow was the gold medalist in consolation, not her. It didn't stop her from trying though,  
"Spike, you may feel you don't fit in - "  
"I *don't* fit in."  
"Let me finish. Killing yourself isn't the answer.Suicide is a coward's way out." She didn't really believe what she'd just said, but she went along with it anyway. Spike brushed her hand off his shoulder,  
"So sue me."  
Buffy tried to lighten up the situation,  
"Spike, are you a man or a mouse?"  
"Neither, I'm a demon." He smiled sadly at her, "Thanks for trying, but it didn't work"  
They looked at each other for a moment, then Buffy turned to face Spike face on, and took his hand,  
"Spike, you don't have to kill yourself, but it's your choice and I can't stop you."  
"Yes it is my choice, but yes you can stop me. You just did."  
"How?"  
"I'm not sure. But whatever it was, it worked."  
Buffy smiled and Spike looked at her hard,  
"Why did you do that?"  
"Do what?"  
"Put your hand on my shoulder."  
"It was a pathetic attempt to make you feel better."  
"Oh, right."  
"So if I go you won't dust yourself?"  
"Umm...no. Not tonight anyway."  
She'd reached the gates of the graveyard, when she heard footsteps shadowing her. Stake in hand, she turned, ready to dust the offending vamp,  
"Spike?"  
"Yeah s'me."  
"What's the matter?"  
Spike examined her face, there was no false civility in her voice, nor any contempt in her face. She was genuinely concerned,  
"Umm...you know everything I just told you?"  
"Yeah."  
"You won't tell anyone, right?"  
"Strictly confidential."  
"Yeah, okay. Just checking."  
"Are you okay?"  
"Um, yeah fine."  
He watched as she left for home and her bed. If his heart could beat it would have been racing. Spike felt his cheeks glow, and he stared after her longingly. Then he shook his head violently,  
"Snap out of it Spike!! She's the Slayer!! Get a grip!!" He slapped his face trying to rid himself of his thoughts as he and Buffy had parted. Turning slowly, he made his way back to his crypt, avoiding the demons who had just emerged from Willy's Place.  
  
  
Buffy lay in bed. She couldn't sleep. Spike heartfelt speech kept swimming through her mind. Time for a quick pre-sleep patrol. The Slayer leapt out of bed, donned her break-and-enter clothes, and headed for the usual demonic haunts.  
  
She rounded the corner to Willy's Place and saw Spike pinned down by one of the local thugs, having his nose broken and re-broken, not to mention his jaw. Stake in hand, the Slayer charged at it, bowling it over and sending it flying with one swift, high-kick. She turned to aid the injured vampire, to see him being dragged off by 5 of his attackers comrades. She took the short-cut through Willy's and came out in front of them, brandishing a club she'd borrowed from a friendly Begana demon.  
"Hey! Pounding vampires is *my* job!"  
"Not anymore Cutie!" The leader kneed the defeated vampire in the head, knocking him out cold, Buffy laughed falsely,  
"I that the best you can do?" She charged at them, laying the first two flat on the floor with one blow of her borrowed weapon.  
"If you got a problem with him giving me a hand, you take it up with me!" She didn't see the demons' big bro coming up behind her.  
Fumbling frantically, Spike pulled a revolver from his pocket, and fired. The demon fell, landing on his little brother, and skewering him with his sword. Buffy turned to Spike. He grinned as best he could with a seriously bruised jaw,  
"He was about to break your bones to make his bread."  
Buffy smiled at the vampire's jest, and lifted him to his feet. They made they way back to her house,  
"Slayer?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Y'know I wasn't joking about the bread part."  
  
  
  
Spike watched Buffy as she cleared him up. She was concentrating so much on not hurting him, that her nose was crinkled. Cute.  
"Ow!"  
"Oh, sorry!"  
"S'alright. Just testing."  
"Ow! That really did hurt!"  
"That's what you get for being a pain in the ass."  
"Yes miss....ow!"  
The Slayer bit her lip as she tried to remove the claw embedded in Spike's neck,  
"Keep still!"  
"It tickles!...ow! That didn't!"  
Buffy smiled sympathetically as she reached into the first aid kit for a pair of tweezers,  
"Sorry, just got to get this last bit. Count to 10, and I'll take it out."  
Spike winced as he tried to smile back,  
" 1...2...3..4...5...6...*shit*! Bloody hell, girl, that wrecked!!"  
"Oh, don't winge. It's out now. I'll get Giles to come and stitch you up."  
"Oh no you don't. He'll sew my mouth shut, and you know it!!"  
Buffy giggled,  
"I'd do it for you, but I bunked off my Home Ec classes, due to my supernatural friends."  
"I.e. moi."  
"Mmm-hmm. So it's your fault I can't sew you back together."  
"You'll do better than I ever could. Having no reflection has the effect of not being able to see where your face has been bashed in."  
"You have my every sympathy."  
"Liar. And you're usually so good at lying, Slayer."  
"Not as good as you, Vampire."  
"What d'ya call me that for?"  
"It's the equivalent of you calling me Slayer. And no doubt equally annoying."  
Their conversation continued like this, until both felt as if they'd been best friends since forever. They'd learnt more about eachother in those few hours, than if they'd fought each other for the rest of their lives.  
Joyce Summers walked in to find them giggling like school girls, as Buffy tried to sew up the deep gash in Spike's shoulder.  
"Y'know it would help alot if your shoulders weren't moving so much!"  
"Sorry Ms. Summers, but that's what you get for making me laugh!"  
Joyce stood in the doorway, hands on hips,  
"Since when have you two been so chummy?"  
Spike gave her a big cheesey grin,  
"Since I found out that Buff - OW!"  
Buffy grinned at him,  
"Oh, sorry, was that me?"  
Spike pulled a tongue at her, and smiled innocently at Joyce,  
"Joyce, luv, be a pet and get me a brandy? Please?...Thanks, Pet." He took the brandy from her, and proceeded to pour it over the Slayer's head. Then winced as the alcohol entered his wound,  
"Bugger! That stings! Get it out! Get it out!"  
Buffy giggled uncontrollably as brandy dripped down her pony tail, and down her neck.  
  
  
  
Spike was allowed to sleep in the basement, for a few days and Buffy retired to her bed. She suddenly felt very vulnerable, she'd told the vampire all of her most guarded secrets, and he'd told her his. The more she thought about it the worse she felt. She'd kept one secret from him, but she knew she couldn't hold out forever. Even if she did, he'd figure it out for himself, Spike wasn't stupid, and there were obvious signs that would soon arise. Willow would spot them first, that's what best friends were for....  
  
  
  
Spike lay back on the futon, Joyce had so kindly set out for him in the basement. He felt naked. He had given his protective shell of untold secrets to the Slayer. One secret remained, but that wasn't enough to protect him from her eyes.....  
"Spike you prick! GET A GRIP!" He almost shouted it, his voice echoing round the otherwise empty basement. He was alone, up until 3yrs ago, that's how he'd liked it. Alone. But then he met Miss. Summers. The Slayer. The only Slayer who could bring down all of vamp-kind given the chance. Now the thought of spending the rest of his almost-immortal life alone was unbearable.  
  
  
  
"Maybe if I just go talk to him I can - No! Stupidstupidstupid!"  
Buffy sat in bed, talking to herself. That just happened to be about the 6th symptom. In the last hour, she'd been through the 2nd, 3rd and 4th. The first, on the otherhand, had tortured her since she met him.  
  
  
  
"You know, if I could just talk to her, maybe we could - oh fuck it! Won't work."  
Downstairs, Spike was already at stage 7. He couldn't sleep. The thought of eating made him wretch, and he could barely stand up. In his heart of hearts, he wanted so much for her to know, but he knew she'd laugh.  
  
  
  
Buffy crept down the stairs, then fell down the stairs, landing on top of something soft and very cold.  
"Bugger, my stitches!"  
"Spike?"  
"That's my name, don't ware it out."  
"What're you doing up?"  
"I was, um...walking."  
"Up the stairs?"  
"Yeah, you know, the cheap equivalent of steps classes....can you get off me? Please? Your knee is in a very uncomfortable position."  
Buffy blushed a deep red, and getting up, thanked God the lights were off so Spike couldn't see she'd turned the colour of his lunch. He got up, wincing as he examined the wound on his leg that had re-opened thanks to the fall. Or Buffy, depending on which way you looked at it.  
"Now I've told you why *I'm* here, what're you doing?"  
"It's my house! I don't need to justify my actions in my own home!"  
"Temper, temper."  
They stood staring at each other for about 10mins, the silence was so thick you couldn't have cut it with a chainsaw, nevermind a well-sharpened knife. Buffy indicated the couch,  
"Shall we?"  
Spike hestitated, what she just said could be outrageously mis-interpreted,  
"Pardon?"  
"Shall we? ....the TV. Wanna watch it?"  
"Oh, right. Okay, why not."  
They left the lights off, and Spike smiled as she pushed Blade-Runner into the VCR,  
"You look very, um...angelic when you blush."  
The Slayer turned faster than you could say "Spike",  
"What? You saw me?"  
The vampire laughed,  
"Of course I did! Me vampire. Nocturnal ie. Nightvision."  
She blushed again, trying not to reply incase she embarrased herself further. She suddenly felt very insignificant. Here, sitting beside her, was a man *ahem* demon who had only recently celebrated his 203rd birthday. She was a 19yr old mortal, vulnerable to heart-break and major let-downs. He was a vampire, virtually no humanity left in him, wouldn't think twice about killing her if he had the chance. What was wrong with this picture?!  
She shifted in her seat, she and Spike were sitting at opposite ends of the sofa, the vampire licking his wounds, almost literally. She stared blankly at the screen as Harrison Ford "retired" a replicant. Spike sat watching her, her eyes were glazed over,  
"What'cha thinking?"  
The Slayer snapped out of her daydream, and shook her head in an attempt to clear her head,  
"Nothing much."  
She looked at where she thought his face was, he watched her intently, as she struggled to make out his features, smiling fondly. He night time vision showed him every detail on her face, how her hair was tucked behind one ear, the slight bags under her eyes from lack of sleep. Even the tears that welled in her eyes. Spike's unbeating heart sank deep in his chest, he moved across the sofa, and put his arms around her, as the tears turned into sobs,   
"Please don't cry, Pet , I don't know what to do when you cry."  
She body shook violently with every sob, and held her closer as she spilled the contents of her heart into his. By the time she'd finished, Buffy had her arms round his neck, her face buried in his shoulder, and Spike had bit his lip so hard it was bleeding. He looked at the clock, 5am. Sunlight was beginning to seep through the gaps in the venetian blinds. He pulled the girl's face away from him, far enough to see her face,  
"Shall we take this to the basement? Cos otherwise your new found Agony Aunt fits in an ashtray."  
Buffy smiled faintly, and tried to stand. The vampire caught her just in time for her knees to give way, and carried her to the basement.  
They talked for another 2hrs., Spike desperately trying to hide his own secrets, lest he break down as the Slayer had done hours before.  
The more he listened, the harder it became. He stayed silent trying to prevent himself from blurting it out unprovoked. His heart was breaking as Buffy's did, and he could take it no longer, so he said it. Straight out, no hesitation. Buffy stared at him, stunned, relieved and delighted at the same time.  



	2. Agony Aunts 2

Agony Aunts 2  
  
  
Author's Notes:-  
Don't own any of these characters yada yada yada.  
Like, take, have but ask first.  
  
  
  
"What?!"  
Spike blushed,  
"You heard me."  
"Just checking. You said tha- "  
The vampire clapped his hand over Buffy's mouth,  
"Not so loud! And yes I did."  
He removed his hand and looked at the wall, anywhere except the Slayer's eyes.  
"You meant it?"  
"Would I have said it if I didn't?"  
"No...would you?"  
"No I bloody well wouldn't!"  
Spike felt vulnerable again, he'd told her, but Buffy hadn't yet given the response he wanted. He began to fear rejection.  
Buffy mumbled something whilst staring at her feet.  
"Was I supposed to hear that?"  
"Yeah."  
"I didn't."  
She pulled him towards her and whispered in his ear. A very relieved smile spread across the vampire's bruised features,  
"I did hear you right, didn't I?"  
She nodded.  
"Just checking."  
The silence for the next hour was painful, even the Initiative wouldn't have been able to break through it with all their hi-tech weaponry. It was Spike who broke it,  
"So, now what?"  
Buffy shrugged,  
"Don't know."  
He thought for a moment then smiled warmly,  
"I do." He moved across the futon, pulled her close and kissed her. When they finally pulled away, Spike relaxed,  
"I've waited so long for that!"  
  
  
Joyce could find neither Buffy or her fanged friend. The house was quiet, only the tick of the clock could be heard over her footsteps. Eventually she decided to check the basement, though Spike would be asleep for the daylight hours. She descended the stairs in silence, knowing perfectly well what Spike was like when woken too early. She sat on the steps to get a good view of the underground room, without waking the sleeping demon. What she saw nearly gave her a heart attack, though when she managed to get herself together, not wholly unexpected. Just as she went to leave, Spike removed his tongue from Buffy's throat, and saw Joyce exiting rapidly. He laughed causing her to blush,  
"I..um..I just came to see if you were okay....I'll go. Now."  
The Slayer turned to see her mother tripping *up* the stairs in embarrasment.  
  
  
  
Buffy was in a very good mood, she bumped into Riley in the quad, and suddenly felt very guilty. There was no more "them", they were no longer an item.  
  
Riley also suddenly felt guilty,  
"Hey, Buffy. There's something I've been meaning to tell you..."  
He looked at the girl sitting on the bench behind him and the guilt increased.  
Buffy looked at him, she was slightly flushed but waited patiently,  
"It's over, Buff."  
"What?!"  
"You and me. It's over. It has been for weeks, you don't have time for me. "  
"Translated into English, that means, For the last few weeks I've been seeing someone else and can't keep up seeing 2 girls at once." She waited for an answer, "Am I right?"  
Riley fidgeted,  
"Yeah. You are."  
Buffy suddenly felt very hurt, he could have dropped hints! Let her down less painfully. She lost her temper,  
"You can't do that!"  
"I just did."  
"No. You can't ditch me! I ditched you the moment I met Spike!"  
"Who?!"  
The Slayer clapped a hand over her mouth. Oops.  
"Guy! I said Guy"  
Riley's face turned red as his brain processed the information Buffy had accidentally slipped.  
"Spike?! You and..and..Spike?! A vampire?!"  
Buffy maintained her composure and tried to act as if she didn't care,  
"Angel's a vampire. S'no big."  
Riley almost snarled and pushed past her, heading for Spike's crypt.  
  
  
"Where is he?!"  
"How should I know? I'm not his keeper!"  
Riley tore the place apart, while Buffy strung out so many lies, trying to protect the vampire. Riley sat on the tomb,  
"Fine, we'll wait till sunset."  
"That's 6 hours away!"  
"Fine by me."  
They sat there till sunset, on opposite sides of the room. Then for another 2hrs waiting for Spike to return. He didn't, and he wouldn't, he was at Buffy's house watching TV.  
When Riley finally realised why Spike wasn't coming, he was furious. He stormed out, heading straight for Buffy's house.  
  
  
Spike sat on the sofa, waiting for Buffy to come home from uni. The was a knock at the door, well, more of a spine-breaking thump. Spike went to answer it, and had his nose broken by a very angry Riley.  
"What the fuck was that for?!"  
Then he saw a very concerned Buffy behind him,  
"Oh. I see your point."  
Riley grabbed Spike by his shirt collar, and heaved him upright,  
"Who do you think you are messing with *my* girl?!"  
Both Buffy and Spike were astonished,  
"*Your* girl?!"  
"You just ditched me you bastard!"  
Riley and Buffy kicked off at eachother, leaving Spike to clean his face up. When he came back, Riley was sporting a very split lip and a black eye. Buffy stood fists ready daring her ex to fight back. Pushing her away from him, Riley left infuriated.  
  
  
  
The next night Spike sat on the couch arms around *his* Slayer. She kissed his cheek,  
"Mind if I go to bed?"  
"Mind if I come with you?" He gave her his most mischevious smile.  
"No, you can't. I need sleep."  
The phone rang and Spike sighed,  
"I'll get it, love.......hello?"  
It was Riley,  
"Meet me outside your crypt. right now."  
The vampire waited till he was sure Buffy was in bed,  
"Don't be stupid."  
"I mean it."  
"Listen Farmboy, you've no more drugs to turn you into The Incredible Hulk anymore, and Mr. Chip has moved out of my head so bugger off."  
"I'm already there. You coming or not?"  
"Not."  
He hung up, relieved to get rid of Riley's annoying voice. He sat back, maybe he should go, what did he have to lose. Only his immortal(ish) life. What the hell. He grabbed his coat from the hook by the door, and went to find Riley.  
  
  
"Ready to die?"  
This kid was pathetic.   
"Listen Farmboy, the last person who said that to me had to be identified by his genetic code."  
"Ooh, I'm shaking."  
"Besides, I'm already dead."  
"Eat dust." Riley grabbed a handful of dust from the floor and chucked it at Spike's face. When the dust cleared Spike had gone,  
"Thanks for warning me."  
He sat in the tree, looking at Riley the way a wolf does before he snatches a lamb. Spike spoke condescendingly,  
"You sure about this?"  
"Why? Having second thoughts?"  
"You wish Action Man. I just can't be arsed with a fight I know I'll win."  
"If you're so confident, what have you got to loose?"  
"My patience."  
He climbed down the tree, not bothering with the leap he always used to show off. Riley flipped the stake in his hand,  
"Shall we?"  
"Oh if you insist."  
Spike stepped aside as Riley charged,  
"That's kids stuff, fight like a man!"  
It didn't last very long. It began with Spike jumping out of a tree. It ended with Riley being hung from the tree by his ankles. Spike suppressed a victorious laugh,  
"Upset *my* Slayer again, and it won't be your ankles I hang you from!"  



	3. Agony Aunts 3

  
Agony Aunts 3  
  
  
Title: See above  
Rating:- PG13  
Distribution:- like, take, have - ask first.  
Ownership:- The Almighty Joss Whedon owns the characters from BtVs - all praise his glory.....  
Feedback:- Yes please! Reviews will be welcomed with open arms - flames with open bear traps.  
  
  
The satisfied vampire turned around to go home - home meaning Buffy - and bumped right into a really pissed off Slayer,  
"I don't believe you two! I turn my back for 5minutes and Riley's hung from a tree by his feet! Could you be any more immature?!" Spike suddenly felt very guilty, and helped Riley down. Literally, he undid the ropes and dropped the human trying to hide his satisfaction.  
"Spike! Leave him alone!"  
Riley stood up and elbowed him sharply in the stomach, knocking to his knees. Buffy glared at her ex and went to see if her demonic boyfriend was alright. The vampire rubbed his midriff and allowed Buffy to help him to his feet,  
"How did you know where we were?"  
"Your theatrical whispering on the phone kinda gave it away."  
"Right."  
She glared at the men, and both knew whatever she said next she meant it, and if they crossed her they'd be puppy chow.  
"You two stay away from eachother! And Riley, you stay away from me! I'm not through being mad with you for going out with that bitch Melissa Hassen!"  
Riley began to stutter,  
"How did y - "  
"Do you think your suddenly chummy behaviour would escape un-noticed?!" Then she turned on Spike, "And *you*! You turned 203 this year! You couldn't have been any more immature if you'd tried!"  
The vampire hung his head in shame,  
"Sorry, love."  
She grabbed his wrist and dragged him home, leaving Riley on the floor, rubbing his head.  
  
  
  
The Slayer and her new borfriend sat at opposite ends of the couch. Spike bit his lip, she wouldn't talk to him.  
"You know I only did it for you ,Pet."  
She wasn't going to answer him, she just stared at the television where Romeo was currently wooing Juliet from the ground beneath her window. Spike turned to face Buffy, his arms held out beseechingly,  
"Buffy love, you know I wouldn't have done anything like that if I hadn't thought it worth my attention!"  
This time she answered, voice dripping with anger. She was furious,  
"But you *didn't* think it was worth it! I saw the whole thing Spike! You didn't want to fight but you did to prove you were better than Riley!"  
Spike mumbled to himself,  
"Well I am. But she deserves better than this."  
He stood up and retired to his bed in the basement, not realising Buffy had heard. She felt ashamed at herself, she knew really that Spike had done it for her. And she knew that Spike *was* better than Riley, in more ways than one.  



	4. Agony Aunts 4

  
  
Agony Aunts  
  
  
Title:- same as it was for the last few chapters, but change the number.  
Rating:- whatever it was at the start - I've forgotten.  
Distribution:- do I really need to go through it again?  
Ownership:- ditto.  
Feedback:- or prepare for nuclear warfare.  
  
  
  
Spike literally fell down the stairs. He needed to get into the safety of the basement before Buffy saw him really lose his temper. He thought of slamming the door behind him, but that would only result in the Slayer coming down after him and he didn't want her to see this. The heart-broken vampire gazed up the stairs for a while, using all his vampiric senses to make sure she was no-where near him. Then he let fly. Releasing all the stress, frustration and anger inside him, he ransacked the small room trying very hard not to scream. Then he sat on the only intact piece of furniture - the futon - and looked around him. The room was a mess, as was his life at the moment. At that point Spike began to think of Angel. How did he cope with it? Frustrated at not being able to see things from his Sire's point of view, Spike covered his face with his hands and wept. Wept for his love of the Slayer and his excess in humanities. Wept for his screwed up life and her bravery, for his inability to convey his true feelings. The tears became sobs, and the vampire once reknown for his method of torture and his complete lack of mercy and compassion, was unveiled, and his reputed love of carnage made way for his love of the one he should have hated more than any other creature. The Slayer. The one girl in every generation who has the power to rid the world of its demonic plagues and torments if given the chance. The one girl who -   
"Spike?"  
The vampire didn't dare move, he'd stopped crying but he didn't want Buffy to see him in this state. He answered her, his voice coming out soft and shakey, startling himself,  
"Yes, Pet?"  
The Slayer sat beside him, and laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder, a gesture Spike had long tried to master, but even as a human, had never quite grasped.  
"Are you okay?"  
Still he kept his hands glued firmly to his face,  
"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"  
She looked around her, and a playful half-smile danced about her lips,  
"I see you've been doing some much needed Spring cleaning."  
The smile was lost on Spike since all he could see was his hands,  
"Oh, yes. I decided to rearrange the furniture....slightly."  
"Make that alot."  
Returning her eyes to the vampire's covered face, Buffy saw his shoulder's were trembling. Keeping his teeth clenched, Spike promised himself he wouldn't cry, and wouldn't ever tell her he'd been crying. He felt himself get hotter, as all his emotions began to fill every inch of his body. Spike began to curse himself and his damned humanities, if Angelus was here, Buffy would be dead, and his Sire would be in the process of beating the humanities out of him. The silence intensified and the vampire finally decided to show his face. Making a half hearted attempt to wipe away the tears, Spike removed his hands and watched as Buffy's playful smile turned into total concern. He scowled,  
"Okay so I've been crying. No wise cracks."  
"I wasn't going t - "  
"The hell you were. You forget, body language reveals all. That and the glint in your eye as I moved my hands."  
Buffy opened her mouth to protest but was silenced by a look from Spike,  
"You forget, I've walked around humans for 203yrs. I know more about mankind than you ever will."  
They turned to face eachother simultaneously, she cupped his face in her hands while he attempted to fend her off. She was having none of it,  
"The typical guy! Hates to be fussed over and won't stand for sympathy!"  
"No, it's called the typical vampire."  
"Ha! That's just male pride!"  
"If that's just male pride, why did I let you stitch me up?"  
" 'Cos you don't have a reflection to do it yourself. You told me so."  
.At this point the vampire's usual quick tongue failed him, and he couldn't think of a retaliation. Buffy laughed,  
"What's the matter Spike? Run out of smart-ass comments?"  
"No...just can't think of....an...appropriate one."  
She smiled warmly and Spike couldn't help but smile back,  
"I've got a question for you."  
"Shoot."  
"What about the infamous ex-boyfriend?"  
Buffy's expression went from friendly, to deep in thought,  
"Uh, don't know.""Want to ask Giles? He *always* knows what to do."  
"Very funny. Remind me to laugh later."  
"Hey, what about Anya?"  
"She's an ex-vengeance demon. She'll send him to hell and back."  
"That was the general idea. Besides, I've been to hell and that's to merciful a punishment."  
"Who says it has to be a punishment?"  
"I do."  
She laughed in disbelief,  
"Oh? Really? Well I'm the Slayer so my word over-rules yours."  
"I'm older than you by centuries, love, so I win!"  
"You wanna justify that?"  
"Are you challenging me? You know I'll kick your arse, right?"  
"And this is coming from a guy who thought foreplay was only in hand-to-hand combat."  
Spike raised an eyebrow. So did Buffy,  
"What d'ya say to *that* big boy?"  
Spike grabbed her wrist as she tried to poke his chest, and held it away from him,  
"Was that an invitation to prove me wrong?"  
She shrugged, smiling seductively,  
"You ask me."  
With one quick movement, Spike had twisted her arm behind her back and had her pinned to the futon on her stomach. She squirmed, giggling uncontrollably,  
"Okay! Okay! Now let go! Ow! That's hurt!"  
"I'm not letting go till you admit defeat."  
She screamed it again at the top of her lungs, loud enough for her Mum to hear and come running. She reached the bottom of the staircase, to see her daughter lying on her front on the futon with Spike sitting on top of her, twisting her arm behind her back. Spike looked at his watch mockingly,  
"Come on, I don't have all night."  
Panicking, Joyce grabbed the nearest chair and snapped the leg, creating a makeshift stake. She lunged at the vampire, and fell as he leapt backwards off the futon and landed behind it, ready to defend himself if she did something stupid. Buffy sat up rubbing her shoulder,  
"Mom, put it down. We were kidding around."  
Spike laughed,  
"Like hell we were! I'm not stepping down till you admit I won."  
Confused, Mrs. Summers glanced from her daughter to their resident demon, and back again,  
"Have I missed something here?"  
Buffy pouted,  
"You *so* did *not* win!"  
"I did too!"  
"Not"  
"Did"  
"Not"  
"D - "  
Joyce stepped in just before things returned to their usual vamp/slayer routine,  
"Hello? Am I even here? What's going on?"  
"Buffy was just about to admit that *I* was right about Riley."  
"I was *not*! Okay, so I was waiting till you got really wound up. You win."  
Delighted, Spike jumped back on top of her and began to tickle her relentlessly.  
  
  
Riley wandered the graveyard, hoping to catch Spike off-guard. It wasn't that he was a bad loser (Author :- although he *is*. But that's just my opinion...) he just didn't like the fact that *his* Slayer was messing about with a vampire, and a soulless one at that. He froze as he heard the familiar sound of Buffy's bright, bubbly laugh. He slid into the nearest bush, and watched them. He clutched the crossbow in his hand and clenched his teeth in concentration. Besides, he was doing the right thing. Spike was a demon, a coldhearted killer and was recently de-chipped. As a member of the Initiative, it was Riley's duty to kill this monster. He tensed up as Buffy and Spike parted. Buffy heading round the back of his bush, and Spike ascended the nearest tree. Riley loaded the weapon and aimed, whispering to himself,  
"Goodbye William the Bloody, hello flying fatality."  
"I'll flying fatality you, you bastard!"  
In his lust for vengeance, Riley had failed to notice that Spike wasn't Spike. It was Damon, Harmony's latest. Spike was actually sitting next to him, and had been there the whole time. Game face on, the vampire leapt on him, kicking the crossbow out of Riley's reach,  
"Next time you try to kill me, do it like a man!"  
Slamming his elbow into the side of Riley's head, Spike grabbed him by the neck, and threw him across the clearing and into another clump of bushes. The infuriated vampire allowed him to stand, then turned to Buffy who had been watching all from a distance, she now approached them with a pair of fencing sabres. Spike smiled fondly at her and took one of the sabres,  
"We'll do this the gentleman's way." He took the other sabre, and dropped it at Riley's feet, taking the appropriate stance. Riley picked up the weapon, it had been sharpened, polished too,  
"This means what to me?"  
Raising the tip of his weapon to point directly at the human's heart, Spike smiled with cold civility,  
"I challenge you."  
"Huh?"  
"18th century Britain. A gentleman should fight for his lady's honour"  
  
[Author's Note:- don't try to correct me on this one. I have no idea what I'm doing so bare with me.]  
  
Riley looked at Spike, then at Spike's sabre. It was sharp, and it was pointed right at him,  
"Okay. Fine."  
Spike looked his opponent right in the eye,  
"En guarde."  



	5. Agony Aunts 5

  
Agony Aunts 5  
  
  
Title:- see above  
Rating:- PG13  
Distribution;- like, take, have, ask first.  
Ownership:- The Superior Being of Joss Whedon owns the original characters of BtVs etc  
Feedback:- I'm fed up of asking, just do it!  
  
  
  
Riley stared at the vampire in disbelief,  
"Ha ha. That's a good one, you almost had me fooled!"  
Spike looked at his opponent, then at his Lady,  
"When was the last time I joked about death?"  
Buffy grabbed his arm,  
"Death? This is getting a bit out of hand, Spike."  
Pulling his arm free, the vampire shook his head,  
"He has two options. Either to accept my challenge, and so name the time and place, or refuse, and I label you as a coward."  
Riley looked very put out, he wasn't expecting this kind of reaction. More like a stake in vamp kind of fight.  
"Can I sleep on it?".  
"No. I want your answer *now*."  
By this time, the Scooby Gang had congregated around the trio, anticipating the worst from Spike. Buffy looked around at them imploringly. She tried to step between them to stop it, but froze at a warning glance from the vampire,  
"Don't try it. If he doesn't want to fight then he's not worth fighting. Easy as that."  
"Hang on a minute, I never said I wouldn't!"  
"So you accept?"  
"Sure, but with a different weapon perhaps?"  
"Like what? A bazooka? The most sophisticated gentleman's weaponry I've ever used is this." He swung his sabre, inches from Riley's throat. Sighing deeply, Riley took up the appropriate position and they began. It began slowly, they speeded up, Spike leading the dual. Thrust, parry, parry, thrust, parry, thrust, parry, thrust, thrust, turn, jump, thrust, parry, kick dust in Riley's face, step on his hand, jump, turn again, parry, parry, thrust, thrust and one final thrust. The final attack left Riley pinned against a tree, Spike's sabre edge milimetres away from his throat. Spike smiled sinisterly,  
"Shall we?"  
Riley gulped, nearly cutting his own throat,  
"I decline! I decline!"  
"So you should."  
Withdrawing the blade, Spike threw the sabre, embedding it into the tree just above Riley's ear. He returned to Buffy and took her hand. He grinned mischevously, kissing it,  
"And now, my Lady, would you care to accompany me to the Bronze? I hear it is a well reputed place for social gathering."  
Giggling, the Slayer linked arms with him,  
"What's with the funny talk?"  
"Well, I would have said it in Olde English but you wouldn't understand me."  
  
The Scooby Gang followed close behind, and Willow sighed, linking arms with Giles since everyone else was taken,  
"I hate to admit it, but they made a cute couple."  
Giles nodded,  
"Though I don't think "cute" is quite right, more like formidable."  
  
The music throbbed and Buffy nuzzled into the vampire's cold, hard chest as he allowed her to sit on his knee. Anya and Xander were dancing, while Willow and Giles discussed alchemy with Tara, who had met them there. The Mystical Trio were huddled around a thick leather bound volume. Every now and then, Will's voice rang out, shrill with excitement. Spike kissed Buffy's forehead lightly,  
"Want to dance, Pet?"  
Yawning, Buffy cast her eyes over the dancefloor, then she tensed and began to get up. After a second's thought, she kissed Spike's forehead then smiled sadly,  
"Reincheck."  
The vampire smiled fondly as he watched her briskly walk off after a vamp who was trying to catch a decent night's lunch. Using his initiative, Spike stood and went out the other way, trying to catch the vamp on it's way out. Before the Slayer did.  
  
Buffy followed the direction her Slayer Senses pointed, but found only the vamp's intended victim, trembling on the sidewalk,  
"You okay? Where'd he go?"  
The girl pointed towards the graveyard and Buffy obeyed. There she found not only her intended prey, but also her Lord as Spike so elegantly put it. He didn't like the term "boyfriend".  
"Spike?"  
He rammed the stake home, and dusted the ashes off his jeans,  
"Yes, Luv?"  
"That was *my* cue. Carry on like this and you'll have me out of a job."  
He shrugged and walked towards her placing the stake back in his belt,  
"They don't pay you enough. You might aswell do it for free."  
"I *do* do it for free!"  
He slipped his arm round her waist and lead her back to the Bronze. Seeing the look in his eye, Buffy tensed,  
"What's the matter?"that cue, Spike threw her to the floor, pulled out a revolver and began to shoot at the oncoming hellhound. It slumped on the floor whining and the vampire helped Buffy to her feet, smiling apologetically,  
"Kill his master, and Rex just *might* have something to say."  
"Where the hell did you get *that*?!"  
He followed her gaze to the revolver in his pocket,  
"Oh, just something I picked up from an unwanted visitor of the hit-man type. No big."  
"You did remember to put the safety catch on right?"  
"Mmm-hmm."  
"Good, don't shoot yourself in the foot...want that dance now?"  
"If you do, Pet."  
She grabbed his arm and dragged him back in the direction of the Bronze,  
"I do, so hurry up before we miss the slow songs."  
  
Willow, Tara and Giles looked up as the couple returned and proceeded to the dancefloor for the slow dances. Xander and Anya were already there, holding eachother close and gently rocking along to the slow rhythym of the music. Spike and Buffy took their place at the other end of the dancefloor, in a dark corner out of sight of the others. Giles sighed deeply,  
"I seem to have noticed that everyone has someone except me...Buffy has Spike, Xander has Anya and you two have eachother. Yes, I'm definately the odd one out here."  
Willow smiled, and Tara blushed. The red-head looked around for Buffy and her vamp,  
"Look like the latest addition to the Lurve Boat have hidden somewhere."  
Tara smiled shyly after Giles' last comment, she still wasn't used to Will and herself being a couple,  
"They need their privacy. They spend most of their time together slaying, let them be."  



End file.
